|
For many pet owners, the loss of their companion animal is a painful
experience. It marks the end of a partnership that may have yielded many
benefits and shared experiences, such as friendship, unconditional love,
physical activity, social contact and in the case of animal assisted
partnerships, support with everyday tasks and even freedom of movement.
These qualities enhance the life of the pet owner and often result in a
strong attachment to the pet. When this attachment is severed, either
through the death of the pet or through another form of enforced
separation, the loss can impact on many aspects of the pet owner’s life,
and be followed by a period of grieving.
The grieving process
The grieving process varies from individual to individual and even for
the same individual, may be different for different pets. Whatever the
nature of the grieving process, it is a normal and appropriate response
to the loss of a loved companion. For some people, the loss of their pet
is marked by sadness and tears, which may be transient or last for
several days. Other symptoms such as loss of appetite, fatigue,
headaches and sleeplessness may also be present. For others, it may feel
as if they have lost a member of their family and their grief may have a
similar pattern to that following a human bereavement, which may include
all or some of the following stages of grief.
The initial reaction may be one of shock and disbelief, where perception
is altered and it may be difficult for the person to comprehend what is
happening, even if the death or loss was expected. This may be followed
by a period of sadness and grief, when events leading up to the loss are
relived and the full pain of the loss is experienced, sometimes
resulting in physical pains in the body of the pet owner. The need to
apportion blame is also common and anger may be directed at others for
either their part in the loss or for their reaction to it. This anger
may be interspersed with a deep yearning and longing to see the pet
again and feel their presence. It is also possible for bereaved pet
owners to experience depression, feeling a sense of helplessness and
hopelessness, that life is not worth living. There may also be an
overwhelming sense of responsibility and guilt, particularly when an
animal has been involved in an accident or a decision has been taken to
euthanase a pet. In the case of euthanasia, a person may be left with a
lot of self-questioning and recrimination as to whether it was the right
decision at the right time. To avoid or minimise these recriminations it
is important that the decision to euthanase is an informed one, made by
the owner, taking into account the opinion of the vet. After a time, the
reality of the loss may be more acceptable to the person who is able to
reflect on happy memories shared with their pet without being
overwhelmed with sadness and despair. An understanding of this whole
process and the normality of grieving for a pet as well as allowing time
to grieve, may all ease the pain.
A person grieving for a much loved pet may experience all these phases
or only some and they tend to overlap. The feelings will pass over time,
but the length of time may vary from a few days or weeks to several or
many months. The intensity is also affected by several factors. These
include the nature of the attachment, the length of pet ownership, the
circumstances surrounding the loss of the pet, and the emotional and
practical support that is available to the grieving pet owner. The loss
of a long standing partnership or of a companion animal that was rescued
or raised as an orphan, or had some kind of link with a person that has
died, may result in an intense grief lasting several months.
Aftercare of the body
The practical support available to the bereaved pet owner may influence
the course of their grief. There are several options regarding the
disposal of the pet’s body, and making an appropriate decision that
offers a dignified, respectful ending to a pet’s life can bring a lot of
comfort to the pet owner. The two main options are cremation and burial.
Cremation is probably the most common option and the two main types are
communal cremation and individual cremation. In communal cremation, the
pet’s body is cremated with several other pets, and is usually organised
through the vet’s normal pet crematorium at a minimal charge. For owners
wanting a more personalised approach, individual cremation is available
where the pet is cremated on its own and the ashes scattered by the
crematorium or returned to the owner. Returned ashes can be scattered,
buried or kept in the house. This is a more expensive option but it can
bring great comfort to the grieving pet owner.
Burial can be the preferred option for some pet owners. No planning,
notification or formal marking is necessary for a home burial, but it is
advisable to work with a depth of more than 1m and a distance of 3m away
from a water source, and It can be helpful to be able to visit the grave
at any time. Pet cemeteries are particularly useful for those owners who
would like to bury their pet but do not have the facilities to do so at
home. This is a more expensive burial option, but the service offered is
usually very personal and sympathetic. For those people requesting
burial for their pet, there is also the personalised option of
collection of the pet’s body in a pet coffin. The burial may also be a
natural time to hold a funeral, and the ceremony offers an opportunity
to acknowledge the wonderful times shared with the pet as well as the
pain of the loss. This can be particularly helpful to children.
Many pet owners find comfort in honouring their pet’s memory in a
tangible way that is long-lasting. Options here include memorial
tributes such as gravestone and plaques, the planting of a favourite
tree or shrub, making a donation to a charity or a field of medical
research, keeping collars or leads and making a photograph album or
journal with favourite pictures and stories about the pet.
A new partnership
At various points during the grieving process the question of whether or
not to take on another animal may want addressing. There are good
reasons to take on another animal and there are good reasons for people
not wanting to take on another animal. All are valid and need to be
respected. A useful guideline as to whether to acquire a another animal,
is when a person feels able to reflect on previous happy times without
being overwhelmed by the pain of the loss and ultimately feels
comfortable with the possibility of taking on another pet. It is
important not to expect the new animal to be like the old one or to bond
with the new animal right away. Getting a new pet is not a question of
replacing a previous pet, but rather one of reinvesting ones love as a
tribute to the love and companionship that was shared with the previous
pet.
Support for the pet owner
Grieving for a much loved pet is a normal process. Despite this, there
is a general tendency on the part of the public and even well-meaning
friends to minimise the extent of the pain and dismiss the grief with
statements such as “it was only a pet”. This, together with an
expectation for pet owners to quickly readjust to their lives without
their pet, may result in many pet owners feeling isolated and lacking
emotional support. Recognising pet loss as a legitimate form of grief
and the gap in available services, several avenues of support for
bereaved pet owners have opened up over the past few years. These
include support services over the telephone and the internet, as well as
face-to-face counselling services. In addition, some veterinary
practices send condolence cards and letters and sometimes make follow-up
calls to pet owners who are devastated by their loss. There are also an
increasing number of very helpful books available to read, offering
insights into the grieving process and helpful hints on what to expect
and how to cope. These forms of support can bring much comfort and
reassurance to grieving pet owners.
|
|
